Boundaries & Self-worth: How Therapy Helps Women Stop Overcommitting & Start Thriving
H1: BOUNDARIES AND SELF-WORTH: HOW THERAPY HELPS WOMEN STOP OVERCOMMITTING AND START THRIVING
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and exhausted when it seems like you’re giving so much to others and getting so little in return. If you’ve struggled with setting boundaries or feel guilty when you say "no," you’re not alone. Many women face these challenges, and it’s not a sign of weakness—it’s a reflection of deeper patterns tied to self-worth and how we navigate relationships. You deserve compassion as you explore this journey of change and healing.
At its core, the ability to set boundaries is deeply connected to how we value ourselves. When our self-worth feels shaky, it’s easy to fall into the trap of overcommitting—whether to prove our value, avoid conflict, or please others. But what happens when that pattern leads to burnout or resentment? Understanding the relationship between boundaries and self-worth is crucial to breaking free from the cycle of overcommitment and stepping into a more empowered, fulfilling life.
There’s a common misconception that setting boundaries is selfish or that saying "no" makes us less caring. These myths often keep women stuck in patterns of overextending themselves, driven by guilt or fear of disappointing others. The reality, though, is that boundaries aren’t barriers; they’re bridges to healthier relationships and personal well-being.
PhD psychologists have shared six key ways that setting boundaries is intricately tied to self-worth and how therapy plays a transformative role in helping women heal from overcommitment. In this blog, we’ll unpack these six connections, dive into actionable strategies to overcome each challenge, and explore how therapy can empower you to reclaim your time, energy, and emotional freedom. Let’s get started on this transformative journey together.
Boundaries Reflect Self-Worth: Understanding the Foundation
For women, the struggle to set boundaries often begins with an internalized belief that their needs are less important than others’. This belief, often tied to self-worth, can manifest as guilt when saying "no" or fear of being perceived as selfish. PhD psychologists emphasize that boundaries are not about pushing people away—they’re about honoring your time, energy, and emotional well-being. When a woman feels confident in her self-worth, she’s more likely to create and maintain boundaries that reflect her value.
Therapy plays a vital role in addressing this connection. A psychodynamic approach helps uncover the roots of these beliefs, often tied to childhood experiences or societal pressures. Exploring how early dynamics shaped feelings of worth can provide insight into current struggles. Mindfulness-based strategies encourage women to become aware of their emotions in the moment, helping them recognize when boundaries are being crossed. Through schema therapy, women can reframe core beliefs like "I’m only valuable if I’m helpful," replacing them with affirming and empowering truths.
Building self-worth and learning to set boundaries is not easy, but it’s transformative. Therapy provides a safe space to practice these skills, fostering resilience and helping women move from overcommitting to thriving. It’s a journey worth taking.
Overcommitting as a Response to Low Self-Worth
Overcommitting often becomes a default behavior for women who struggle with self-worth, as saying “yes” feels like a way to earn validation and acceptance. While this may provide temporary relief from feelings of inadequacy, it often leads to emotional exhaustion, resentment, and a deeper disconnect from one’s own needs. PhD psychologists highlight that overcommitting is less about a genuine desire to help and more about coping with fears of rejection or failure. Recognizing this pattern is the first step to change.
Therapy helps women break free from the cycle of overcommitment by addressing its emotional and relational roots. A trauma-informed approach examines past experiences—such as neglect, criticism, or conditional love—that may have instilled the belief that one’s value lies solely in pleasing others. Interpersonal therapy provides tools to establish healthier dynamics, teaching women to prioritize their own needs without guilt. Mindfulness-based strategies allow women to pause and evaluate their motivations before saying "yes," fostering more intentional decision-making. Emotion regulation techniques, such as deep breathing and self-soothing, are invaluable for managing the discomfort that arises when setting limits.
Releasing the need to overcommit is a powerful act of self-worth. Therapy equips women with the skills to say “no” with confidence, freeing them to focus on what truly matters and thrive authentically.
Understanding Core Beliefs: The Foundation of Boundary Struggles
A significant challenge for women struggling with setting boundaries and overcommitting is the presence of deeply ingrained core beliefs about their self-worth. PhD psychologists explain that these beliefs often form early in life, shaped by experiences with caregivers, societal expectations, or past relationships. For many women, these beliefs manifest as thoughts like, “I must always put others first” or “My value depends on how much I do for others.” These internalized messages can make it incredibly difficult to assert boundaries without feelings of guilt or fear.
Therapy provides a path to uncover and challenge these limiting core beliefs. Psychodynamic approaches help women explore how their past has influenced their present behaviors, shining a light on unconscious patterns that keep them stuck. Schema therapy goes a step further, identifying maladaptive schemas such as the “self-sacrificer” or “approval-seeker” and offering practical ways to reframe these narratives. Mindfulness-based practices encourage women to observe their thoughts with compassion rather than judgment, creating space for new, healthier beliefs to take root.
As women begin to reshape their understanding of self-worth, therapy equips them with actionable tools to practice boundary-setting in their daily lives. This process not only reduces overcommitment but also fosters a deep sense of empowerment, allowing women to thrive with confidence and authenticity.
Learning Healthy Communication: A Key to Boundaries and Self-Worth
One of the most significant barriers for women struggling with setting boundaries is the fear of how others will react. PhD psychologists emphasize that effective boundary-setting requires clear and healthy communication, but this can be intimidating for women who equate asserting their needs with being confrontational or unkind. This fear often stems from experiences where speaking up led to rejection, conflict, or feelings of guilt, leaving many women defaulting to silence or compliance.
Therapy offers women a safe space to develop and practice assertive communication skills. Interpersonal therapy focuses on building healthier relationship dynamics, empowering women to express their needs with confidence and empathy. Emotion-focused therapy helps women explore and process the fear and anxiety tied to confrontation, replacing these emotions with a sense of empowerment. Trauma-informed approaches address past experiences that may have made assertiveness feel unsafe, reframing it as a necessary and healthy form of self-respect.
Mindfulness-based strategies further support this process by grounding women in the present moment when communicating their boundaries. This reduces overthinking and helps them stay focused on their needs rather than others' potential reactions. By mastering assertive communication, women can confidently set boundaries, strengthen their self-worth, and create relationships that honor their emotional and mental well-being.
Boundaries as Self-Care: Prioritizing Your Emotional and Mental Well-Being
For many women, the idea of self-care feels indulgent or selfish, especially when so much of their energy is spent meeting the needs of others. PhD psychologists highlight that setting boundaries is a profound form of self-care—one that not only protects emotional and mental well-being but also reinforces self-worth. By saying “no” to what drains them and “yes” to what nurtures them, women can begin to reclaim their time, energy, and peace.
Therapy helps women reframe self-care as an essential act of self-respect rather than selfishness. Existential approaches encourage women to align their choices with their core values and personal sense of purpose, helping them see how boundaries contribute to a meaningful and fulfilling life. Emotion regulation strategies provide practical tools for managing the guilt or anxiety that often arises when prioritizing self-care, allowing women to navigate these emotions without compromising their boundaries.
Mindfulness-based practices, such as meditation or journaling, help women stay connected to their needs and create clarity about what self-care means for them individually. Over time, therapy empowers women to see boundary-setting not as an obligation, but as a vital gift to themselves. This shift strengthens their self-worth and paves the way for a thriving, balanced life rooted in self-compassion.
Navigating Discomfort: Building Resilience Through Boundary-Setting
For women who struggle with setting boundaries, discomfort is often the biggest obstacle. Whether it’s the fear of disappointing others, the anxiety of potential conflict, or the guilt of prioritizing their own needs, these feelings can make boundaries feel impossible to uphold. PhD psychologists emphasize that navigating this discomfort is not just a skill—it’s an essential step in strengthening self-worth and creating a life where thriving becomes the norm.
Therapy provides a supportive environment for women to face and process these uncomfortable emotions. Trauma-informed approaches help unpack the roots of these feelings, often tied to past experiences where asserting needs led to rejection or criticism. Mindfulness-based strategies teach women to remain present with discomfort, using techniques like deep breathing or grounding exercises to reduce emotional intensity. Exposure therapy, practiced in small, manageable steps, helps women build confidence by gradually setting boundaries in low-stakes situations.
Emotion-focused therapy further validates and reframes discomfort as a natural part of growth, encouraging women to embrace it as a sign of positive change. Over time, therapy helps women see that each act of boundary-setting reinforces their self-worth. With practice, discomfort gives way to resilience, empowering women to move beyond overcommitment and fully thrive in their relationships and personal lives.
Resources
Here are three well-known, research-based books written for the public that align with the topics of self-worth, boundary-setting, and overcoming overcommitment:
1. "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life"
Authors: Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Summary: This widely acclaimed book provides research-supported insights on the importance of setting boundaries for emotional and mental well-being. It outlines how self-worth is tied to the ability to say "no" and offers practical, accessible tools to overcome guilt and people-pleasing tendencies.
Publisher: Zondervan, 1992
2. "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are"
Author: Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW
Summary: Drawing on extensive research, Brené Brown explains how vulnerability and self-acceptance are foundational to setting boundaries and building self-worth. This book empowers readers to break free from overcommitment and live authentically, offering practical exercises grounded in her findings.
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing, 2010
3. "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead"
Author: Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW
Summary: In this book, Brown explores how embracing vulnerability and building resilience contribute to healthy relationships and self-worth. She connects these themes to boundary-setting and provides readers with research-based strategies to overcome overcommitment and prioritize their well-being.
Publisher: Gotham Books, 2012
Conclusion
Struggling with setting boundaries and feeling the weight of overcommitment can often feel isolating, but you are not alone. Many women face these challenges, and it’s important to remember that your experiences are valid and worthy of compassion. The connection between boundaries and self-worth is profound, and taking steps to understand and nurture this connection is an act of courage and self-care.
Through therapy and intentional strategies, it’s possible to break free from patterns of overcommitment and create a life that truly reflects your values and needs. Whether through mindfulness, exploring past experiences, or building healthier communication, each step you take toward setting boundaries strengthens your sense of self-worth. You deserve to thrive, not just survive. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey—it’s a process, but one that leads to profound and lasting change.
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed by overcommitting or struggling to set boundaries without guilt, know that you don’t have to face this alone. I support women who feel stuck in patterns of people-pleasing and self-doubt by helping them build self-worth, set healthy boundaries, and thrive authentically.
Schedule your first session today with a therapist for women.